How to believe in myself?

Whether you like it or not, believing in yourself is within your nature.

We often think that we either have self belief or we don’t. The truth is that self belief is in our nature yet many times small and insignificant things can derail and erode our belief in ourselves.

Self belief is about having that knowing that you can manage situations. Self belief starts with giving permission to yourself to believe in yourself.

In this episode we will look at the elements that build self-belief and the problems it creates when we lack self belief.

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Episode Notes

Self belief come hand in hand with the ability to trust ourselves.

When you lack trust, we lack connection with ourselves and the world. You shirnk, become more fearful and stop taking risks. You become stuck

Reclaiming your trust is about healing and becoming whole again by removing beliefs, attitudes and behaviours that damage our self belief.

Believing in yourself is about reclaiming your inheritance.

00:00 – Self belief is your nature
00:57 – Intro
01:39 – What is self belief?
03:09 – Give permission to belief in yourself
03:59 – Breaking the trust
04:52 – Elements of Trust
06:01 – What breaks trust?
06:48 – Shame the enemy of trust
07:19 – Self Belief is a Belief
09:31 – The problem of no self belief
12:11 – How do build self belief
13:47 – Powerful Question 1
14:08 – Powerful Question 2
15:07 – Powerful Question 3
15:19 – Powerful Question 4
15:51 – Won’t I be arrogant?
17:45 – Everything is a skill
20:31 – Outro

Transcript

Whether you like it or not, believing in yourself is within your nature.

When I was younger, I remember that I went to meet this girl and she told me that she was working and it was going to be a bit complicated, but come along because I really want my ipod. And I was excited. I was like, really looking forward to it. And it was something that I really wanted to do. And

I just got there and I was feeling great about myself until I just noticed something. I was just like, oh.

And in that moment, like, my whole world collapsed. Like something that was so small and insignificant took away my entire being, took away my whole

confidence, myself, belief in myself and in the situation and everything that was going on around that.

And it was like that judgment and that criticism that rose up as a result of just an intrusive thought that came in and something that

came within my field of perception. But at the same time, the fact that I engaged with it in that way, it just completely took away my power and self belief. Welcome everybody, to another episode from Inside treasures.

My name is Phoebus, and I love to challenge myself and those around me for the purpose of growth.

I’m here to help you heal, to change, and to grow. This particular episode is all about building self belief.

The reason I’m sharing this story is for you to be able to see that I was within my power, I was within my belief.

And yes, it was edgy. Yes, it was scary for me back then to actually go into that situation.

But at the same time, I had excitement. I was believing that this could work out into something great. And then when I started having those thoughts, my belief went and just like a wet pepper

plane, I just went downhill from there and said my goodbyes and had to go. What does it mean for someone to believe in the psalms? Believe in what? In whom?

Under what context? Self belief is about having that knowing within where you know that within you, within your value and within your abilities to create things and to do things, you have that ability. You believing in yourself.

There’s this inner knowing that you can manage in situations and you can do and deal with the things that you set forth out to do in a place of being, in a place of interacting with other people that you can feel okay in your own skin because you believe in yourself.

And then when it comes into situations where you have to put yourself into them, that you believe that you can handle those situations and you can be yourself in those situations, transparent and authentic and honest as much as you can.

And also, like, coming from that place, from that knowing of who you are is important for you and for those around you and how when you come into that,

that gives you that sense of believing in yourself. That gives the result of the confidence. When we see people that they’re confident, we often confuse the two with self belief. There’s definitely self belief and confidence many

times can be the result of that self belief. And the deeper we know into who we are and how we understand ourselves, the more we can come from this place of that we having self belief. Because like I said

earlier, it is within your nature that you have belief. Yet at the same time there are times that this doubt creeps in and robs you of that belief. I dare to say that self belief starts with yourself, giving permission to yourself to believe in yourself. Yes, you heard that right.

It’s about giving ourselves that permission for us to believe in ourselves. In order for us to believe in ourselves, at some point we have to give ourselves that space that yes, this is something that I want to be doing.

There is a perceived danger in there that I’m going to cover later. But for the moment, just keep that in mind.

Let me give myself permission right now to stop believing in myself or to believe in myself in more situations or to believe more in myself in that particular situation.

Because as we go along, you’ll notice that there are times that we believe in certain situations and then in certain different situations that belief is lacking.

So what is the difference? What changes? If you have

been like me, you probably have had lots of belief you probably have been lacking a lot of belief in yourself or you have been having lots of belief in yourself until all of a sudden you don’t. And why do we not have belief anymore?

Because we start to believe the lies of the ego, the lies of the other people have told us, perhaps.

And we start to believe those things, those doubting voices, those voices that put us in the corner and we allow them and accept them as being true. When we do that, that begins to break the trust that we have in ourselves.

Because we start to move away from that alignment that we have, from that integrity that we have within ourselves.

And the more that we operate from that space, the more that we can have this self belief because we’re maintaining this

trust. But where does all this trust stuff come from? What creates trust? Boundaries is one of those things that creates trust.

Learning when to say no and how to stand into our own ground and our own power and just saying no where we need to and yes, where we need to.

This is about creating boundaries with ourselves and other people. Next, we have the ability to be in integrity, meaning that we live within our own value system, that we honor our value system and we do what we need to do in order to keep it going.

Third is about being reliable, that we do what we say that we’ll do. And

again, not only to other people, but also with ourselves. When we say we want to do this on Monday and we do it

on Monday, we build that reliability in ourselves and from that place we have this trust in ourselves. It maintains the trust. Next, we have like, accountability.

So being accountable, owning the things that we’re creating, owning the problems instead of blaming.

And lastly, it’s about being non judgmental. It’s about creating that space of love, that allowance, that

acceptance, that nurtures our soul and nurture the trust that we have within ourselves. Now, since I talked about trust, trust being our nature and trust is what gives birth to a self belief. What I really think is that when we are

within this integrity that stays as it is, it’s intact. So there’s something that actually gets in the way, that starts to erode and take away from that trust within ourselves, that creates that self belief.

What are those kinds of things? What is judging the self doubt, criticism, getting angry on people, not

really being open and loving, but actually saying to people, like comparing things and gossiping, all these kinds of things like get in the way of us and they start to erode. And of course, anything that negates what I described earlier about what builds

trust in oneself takes place in here as well. But the number one public enemy of self belief and trust is
shame. Shame feeling less of, feeling unworthy, of love, feeling like we don’t belong, like we’re not part of,

like we have some kind of love that we need fixing and changing, that we’re not worthy of, that love, that we’re not worthy of belonging that completely breaks that trust when we coming from that place. And we’re not valuing ourselves, we’re not believing in

ourselves because we have those other beliefs that go against this primary belief that we deserve to be loved.

And it doesn’t have to do with anybody else loving us. It always starts as adults of us being able to love

ourselves, for sure, but even in the absence of anybody else around us is about being in that connection with ourselves and knowing that we’re loving, loving and worthy for who we are. And that builds a massive amount of trust and what we don’t

have when we feel flawed and broken and like damaged goods that keeps sipping into and it takes place into everything that we’re doing in the world, everything that we’re putting out. And no matter how many masks we put and how many walls we put against other people

and in the middle of what we’re doing, it will always go through the cracks. And other people will be able to see it.

Even if they won’t be able to articulate and know what it is that is happening, they’d be able to tell. And the one thing about this is also to understand that it’s quite normal for us to feel guilt and to feel shame.

It’s a shared experience that most of us just know that when you’re in that place, it’s when you’re breaking trust and you’re breaking your ability to believe in yourself. And guess what happens with all of this?

Because many times you’re looking outside to see what it is that is causing us. It’s the criticism from the outside. But when you notice this is that you start to understand that most of this is coming from in here.

It doesn’t have to do with the outside world. Sometimes the outside world can come in and it becomes a reflection of what’s happening within you and it will show you the ways. And it’s so easy to just go out there and think, oh, that’s why this is happening.

But when we’re looking from within to see that we are the ones that are breaking our trust with ourselves, that can change the game because it means that we you have control over what is going on. You have control.

Even when you’re dealing with intrusive thoughts that just come in, you have control and the power to maintain that trust, to maintain that integrity, to

be accountable for yourself so that you can be reliable, so you can open up and be less judgmental, be more loving, more allowing and more caring.

What is the problem when we are lacking that trust in ourselves, when we’re lacking that self belief?

Because when we’re lacking that, it creates a problem that reflects into our day to day reality. Fundamentally, like I said earlier, we’re not being ourselves. We’re putting masks in front of us. We’re hiding from things. We’re hiding from ourselves, from our true power.

And when we have those interactions that are always genuine, we lean towards manipulating people again, subconsciously, because we’re trying to prove

ourselves. We’re trying to prove ourselves as being good enough, of being worthy of love, of having the things that we want to be having emotionally for fulfilling our needs. We’re not willing to try new things, we’re not willing to risk things. We get trapped. We start to shrink and become smaller

and smaller and our world becomes smaller because we’re not willing to have this belief in ourselves. And of course, that stops us from creating anything new, from creating anything new, from new experiences, from new friends, from new people. So we start to live life on repeat and we get the same of what we put out. And again and again that belief continues to erode and our life gets impacted.

The way that we reflect ourselves in the world, the way that we feel with ourselves in this world, changes.

But the world out there becomes a very dangerous place to be. It’s something that we’re not willing to risk because it’s too dangerous. At the same time. Our perception is that there is a fire out there but the truth is that there’s a fire in here. The whole world is burning.

That’s what we think. But the truth is it’s only our home that it’s burning. It’s burning and eroding our self belief and that’s what’s keeping us locked in. In short, we’re

living a life of limitation, of blaming, of looking outwards to see what’s wrong out there when the whole truth is standing in front of the mirror.

And then again, that’s not about making you feel more guilty and shame about who you are and what you’re doing.

It’s about realizing how we can choose to live. And then again, it can be on certain areas of your life. It can be in many areas of your life because these things, they believe the same way that belief and

trust goes around different areas of our life is the same thing with distrust. With zero trust and no connection with ourselves and the world, we begin to be more fearful. We lose our sense of trust and

certainty and we lose that center from with the thing that we can come from. So the things that we are afraid of through our thoughts and our emotions, we begin to create and we begin to prove that those beliefs of us being damaged good and flaw in some way or another way and on a

worthy of love and belonging. We start to create it because we stop doing the things that we do and we need to do. And we start coming from that place that we trust ourselves.

So how do we build self belief? How can we heal that part of us?

How can we reclaim our inner power? In order to reclaim yourself, to reclaim that self
belief and build that trust in yourself there are certain things that you can do that will help you and that’s what this episode is actually all about.

Part of the work is doing some of that inner work, that self forgiveness, that self love of looking into some of your past experiences that you feel have created this reality of you lacking self belief and seeing how pointing the finger to other people is not really

helpful. Although they might have contributed to your life, I’m not discounting that.

It’s learning to see how we recreate this, how our relationship to those memories recreate our reality, recreate this lack of self belief and self trust.

And for that we need to do some inner work. I wouldn’t say that that is always necessary. I have done that and other people I know who have done that.

But for me, most importantly, our ability to deal with that in the present moment is not so much about being able to deal with our past but actually our ability to deal with our present that will make our future a better place and improve the quality of our present.

So you see, working with a pastry and our past can’t be helpful to a certain degree, but it’s more importantly about us being present and allowing ourselves to live in the present moment and reclaiming that self belief with uncertainty and rebuilding that trust in ourselves.

So here’s a question that I want you to consider and I would recommend actually pausing and answering that question.

In what ways are you betraying yourself? In what ways are you taking away that trust from you?

What are the kinds of actions, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes that you have in you that you express that take away from this trust that you have?

And I’m using this word betraying deliberately. In what parts

of your life is it that you need to set those boundaries that we talked about, that you need to say now that you know that you have to for you, for your sanity, for your well being here, you’re not doing it in relationship to other people and most importantly, in relationship to yourself.

What? You keep giving that to yourself and saying, oh yeah, I’ll do this, then I’ll do this and I’ll change

this yet again. We go over and over in the loop. Being able to see that and also address that and change it. It doesn’t mean we’re going to fix everything, it doesn’t mean we’re going to go and change who we are

in our entirety. But being able to reflect in these questions allow you to see and then being able to maintain and rebuild and heal that relationship that you have with yourself, you believe to yourself and your trust.

That’s what will start to make in the difference because you will start paying attention to yourself, you will start giving more to your ability to believe in yourself and trusting yourself. How do you deduct from your value, from your wholeness, from your integrity?

What are the kinds of things that you’re doing, you’re saying, or sometimes not saying, but actually deduct from that, from your wholeness? In what ways are you creating distrust and mistrust with yourself?

In what ways are you dissecting yourself into little pieces, making you feel disconnected from yourself, from your power and being different in all sorts of ways? That takes away from you being?

You have a look at that and answer those questions for you because just watching this one change your life, sitting down and reflecting and replaying those questions and spending some time to do the inner work is the best part of this work. I

know some of you might be thinking that, well, if I start with all this self belief and trusting myself and all this and I’m all out and I’m being myself, when I just stop being arrogant and just being on top of other people and making them feel bad for who they are, this is just a lie.

This is a lie that’s playing out in your mind and this is a lie that’s keeping you from aligning with your truth, with your integrity, with you being reliable, accountable and also loving and caring towards yourself.

Believing in yourself is about reclaiming your inheritance. It’s about coming from a place and a space that it is who you are.

It’s about removing the masks and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and at the same time being able to believe that you can

stand your ground. Even with your mask down and your shield down, you can still manage and be you.

It’s about living a life with dignity. It’s about coming from a place where

you respect yourself, you respect your opinion, you value yourself and what you do and all of that because you believe in your true value, because you’re coming from another place instead of the world of duality. That when I do this.

I believe in myself when I do that again, this is dualistic. But when we move a
step above we can start coming from this place of who we truly are. And that is where trust is, of integrity.

And that is where trust cannot be eroded. It’s through the expression that our connection to the trust gets eroded. It’s not the trust itself because once we stop doing

those actions, once we start engaging with the thoughts that they’re playing out in our minds the doubt, the fear and the insecurities, the guilt and the shame the trust on its own starts to take place again, start to take hold. It’s just because we’re

putting things in between. So, no, you won’t become arrogant.

Actually. You become more of you and you’ll be able to share more of you with other people around you and

you’ll be able to inspire them to be more of them. Part of my fundamental philosophy when I’m working with people is the idea that everything that I talk about I try to distill it into a skill. That it is a skill. And every skill, as we know is something that we can all learn. Some people are better at it.

Some people have more talent and inclination towards it. But at the end of the day, we’re all able to do

it. And yes, we might not be to the level of Michael Jordan, but because it’s a skill, it’s something that requires practice. And it requires that we give into it.

And it requires that we create it. And it requires that we spend time with it, trying things again and again, over and over, until we become a little bit better and getting feedback from other people. Like, this is amazing.

That’s why I feel that self belief is about it’s a skill. It’s about building that. And skills are built with what the greeks would love to call meraki.

And that’s the idea of us putting our soul and heart in whatever it is that we’re doing or creating.

And back then, you also had to do a lot with art form, with the arts of putting our soul putting our heart in what it is we’re creating, with attention being meticulous. Not perfect, but actually just putting ourselves into what we’re creating.

And for that, that’s what I’m trying to give you through this episode. It’s about

you giving yourself to you, your devotion to yourself, back into your trust, back into your core. Because in that core, you’ll see that you won’t be arrogant and flying like a kite all over the place, but actually, you’ll be deeply rooted, deeply connected to your truth nets and your trust.

And you’ll be able to share that. And the more that you come from that place, the more that you build trust with yourself and other people, and of course, your confidence and self belief will skyrocket.

This skill is about us being able to manage with the thoughts that they’re coming in, to manage with these intrusive thoughts, to manage with the fears, the doubts, the insecurities, to manage the shame, to be able to connect. And stay connected with the trust

and belief to stop betraying ourselves through different actions and emotions that we engage in and actually taking that step back and reclaiming coronating, our own selves. You becoming the king and queen that you deserve to be coming from that place.

And then it’s not like everything will vanish and go away. Now, these things will still come, but it’s about how we learn to manage that. And we can learn to manage that through practice, through presence,

through awareness, through stillness, through creating space for ourselves. And like I said earlier, through giving yourself permission to believe in ourselves, through giving ourselves permission to value ourselves.

Thank you for tuning in to another episode from Inside treasures. My name is Phoebus, and until next time, my friend, let peace guide your life. Let love guide your heart and reason guide your thoughts.

Photograph by Guillaume de Germain

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